This article was originally posted on my old blog 09/16.
Today I wanted to talk to you about something I’ve wanted to for ages now. Basically, since forever I have been shy, an introvert all of those words really, and my god does it have it’s disadvantages. It does have pros too don’t get me wrong, but more often than not I wish I wasn’t! Expect confessions, tips, and stories – and please feel free to share your experiences too!
I’ve always been a quiet person, I was never into going out much and as for talking to new people – I don’t really. I’ve been this way for as long as I can remember, I’d always prefer to stay home instead of going places and social situations were always just awkward, oh so awkward.
I don’t think it really matters in Primary school, no one really understand or cares that much, everyone’s just too young for it really! But Secondary school is definitely a whole new ball game. I found it hard to make new friends, and I just felt so intimidated everyday and utterly jealous of the more outgoing people. I hated school, but no one really believed me when I said that because I was good academically. I comfort ate all around me (something I regret now!) and I used to end up so tired all the time I’d literally be going around like a zombie!
Then you have the other implications. Not many people even like you when you’re shy, but it’s not really their fault either. To a lot of people, if you’re not saying much or aren’t completely outgoing and bubbly, it means you don’t like them or you’re a bitch, or have something against them (I’m not sugarcoating anything here) – And I really wasn’t helped here because I tend to have a bitching rest face sometimes! I just wasn’t that approachable, and most of the time it was because I was scared stiff and why – I don’t know!
It’s so weird though, I managed to psyche myself up enough in meetings to be able to nail them without speaking in tongues or running away. Speaking to a crowd was never that hard either, it was mainly a social thing and that confuses me still to no end.
I just like to keep to myself. I never wanted a huge group of friends or to be the most talkative person on the planet, but I didn’t want to be alone and boring either. The thing is, if I get to know someone, eventually the shyness melts away and I can be more sociable! I was totally fine around my friends, a livewire even! Friends I don’t talk to anymore always used to make remarks like ‘you shy? haha you’re not shy’ or ‘you are sociable’ etc, and that used to really put me down, like mate are you kidding me? You’ve been talking to someone you know for 5 minutes and I haven’t said a word and I’m as red as a tomato and I am searching for excuses to go on ahead, but I’m totally outgoing totally.
Maybe the fact I’m not friends with them anymore says something right?
Even though I didn’t make a lot of friends or blossom into some outgoing mad thing in college, I did come out of it a little more, I guess. It got easier to talk to new people but my god was it scary – I actually don’t think it will ever not be scary for me! I didn’t go out or anything because clubs and student nights are not my scene, my scene is at home chilling or drinking with a few friends! I learned a lot about standing up for myself and being more confident when a certain individual I don’t speak to anymore got one of her friends to stalk me for a bit, and from then I guess you could say I became more outspoken.
I will hold my hands up and say I was a doormat. Yep, think of me as that brown shaggy mat with huge capital letters that say ‘DO WHAT YOU WANT I WON’T SAY ANYTHING’. But I’ve totally changed from that, now I’ve decided that I am important enough to be stood up for, and especially to stand up for myself. I was always very clever in knowing when someone is trying to put something over on me, so now I don’t let them – It’s strange because I can talk to anyone and say anything when I’m angry!
There are some nice advantages to being an introvert too though! Peace and quiet becomes your best friend, whether you’re launching into a good book, doing a piece of writing or just relaxing with a cup of coffee, this is the most comfortable zone. The natural habitat. You don’t really need too many luxuries to be content, and you save a lot of money when you’re not going out all of the time!
I started blogging but I thought I’d be no good at it given my personality, however the opposite has happened. It’s a really good outlet for me and it gives me a perfect platform to be confident, to be myself and not really mind about being judged. It’s somewhere to talk freely! It really has helped me to become more confident outside of it too, I don’t know what it is but I feel like if I can do it in my blog I can at least try in real life!
If you’re a introvert too, my biggest tip has to be don’t try to change who you are, if you need to fake it then fake it but there’s nothing wrong with it! If people aren’t accepting who you are then they have the problem, not you! Another good tip I learned was to definitely learn to be comfortable being alone like going shopping and such, years ago I’d always have been with my friends and it helped a lot but then when I had to go to shopping centres and cafes on my own it was terrifying! But I challenged myself to keep doing it alone so that I wouldn’t need to rely on anyone else being there to make me feel less vulnerable! Yeah, I’ll admit when I go to pay for things I have an internal freak out but it’s nice to get over it and be like ‘fuck yeah, you got this!’
That’s it for my chat about being an introvert, I would love to hear your thoughts!