Wow. It’s been a while since I’ve wrote one of these posts! It’s the story of my life, but I was sure I wouldn’t use this blog anymore – then I missed it and now I’m back. I need to get over these commitment issues and just blog. But enough about that, let’s talk about the last two months. There’s a lot to tell, so sit back, relax and read.
Cravings, cravings, cravings.
My obsession with doughnuts was never that strong until I was pregnant. They do tell you not to eat too much of the bad stuff while you’re pregnant., but this baby is already rebelling – it’s all she wants! Or, at least that’s what I tell myself to justify it all. I mainly desire crisps or doughnuts and I have eaten a lot of them, but I balance all of the badness out with good meals too.
A few scary symptoms.
Men, if you a reading, skip this bit maybe.
I’m not the most active person in the world but when I’m running around for the day I notice a little more discharge than usual. I know, the word is grotesque and I hate it but it’s important to know the parts of pregnancy that have all but scared the nips off of me. It felt as though I had leaked and of course, the colour was a bit suspect too. I had a little freak out, thinking this was a sign of bad things to come. It was gone then though and I wasn’t sure if it warranted medical attention so I waited until I saw my GP who informed me that it was actually fine. Me not being that fit and being on my feet all day just caused a bit of excess. I was at ease, for the time being.
17 Week Scan
At our 12 week scan, we were given a scan for reassurance for a month before the anatomy scan. We got to see our little one again, and she was holding her leg, being adorable. We asked the sonographer if she could see anything wrong and she explained that she saw nothing bad, only baby was still too small to do anomaly measurements. She also had an idea of the gender but couldn’t tell us as she wasn’t sure.
Stretch marks pop in and baby gets active.
Two weeks ago to the date, baby came online. Up until this point, I felt flutters, bubbles, you name it, but no proper kicks. Then as I minding my own business, pop. Then another. It was stronger than I had ever felt. A definite kick. That whole day I felt maybe ten. The next day a few more and it kept going from there. I’ve been kicked five times writing this paragraph! She’s very active and really shines at night. At the same time, the stretch marks popped up. I felt shite about them for a while, they made me feel unattractive, but then I realised there’s a little baby in there! If someone makes you feel unattractive for them, they can fuck off.
Anatomy Scan – done!
Our anatomy scan was on a Monday and that whole weekend was just horrible. Flashbacks to a time when your world just collapsed. That time when they told you the bad news.
I couldn’t possibly have a healthy pregnancy, you know? I would never know that joy. I had seen how bad it could be, hear those words “incompatible with life”. I didn’t have ‘luck’ when it came to being pregnant, felt cursed. Up until now, I had never been confident in this whole experience. I, of course, was happy but if I let myself be too happy, it would all go wrong.
But then the scan happened. We had been waiting for over a half hour and the longer we waited, the worse it felt. When we went in, the lady again went straight to our baby’s head. “Everything is good with the head, look there’s the brain” and the butterfly shape was there and it looked kinda cool. So there’s one box ticked off. After being showed the head, our baby yawned! It was almost a magical moment to have caught it so clearly. After a few more measurements, I’m asked to move onto my side and was told nothing was wrong. Of course, I thought everything was wrong! But in reality, baby was in a really awkward position. At one point, the midwife wiggled my bump to try and get her to move.
Eventually, she told us some of our measurements were a bit small. I told her, as I have had to every single time, that baby has always measure a few days behind. My dates were measured from my last period and if there’s one thing that isn’t reliable, it’s my period! She checked my file then and saw that little one was growing proportionally and it all looked good. She wouldn’t need to change the due date as measurements were within a week. She then looked for the baby’s gender and told us we were having a girl! I saw those three lines, so I’m also pretty confident about the gender! She was happy with everything but said those ultrasounds can tell us a lot of problems, however some can’t be picked up by scans. I wasn’t worried about that though, I was worried something might be structurally wrong and I was so, completely ecstatic to learn she was doing good.
For the first time, it feels like I can enjoy my pregnancy. In fact, I have been doing just that for the last week! I bought her some outfits, we’ve picked out some names. I’ve been so much happier about it all. Her constant kicks remind me she’s there. They’re getting stronger and my bump is constantly growing which shows me she’s progressing. It’s a bit more peaceful in my mind now.
I’m back in the hospital in December now! She’ll be so much bigger when I see her again and I can’t wait. I’m looking forward to having a rainbow baby, that baby that I get to keep. I’m still in disbelief, but it’s a good kind.
I will be posting a lot more baby updates from now on. I hope you’ll enjoy!
You know where to find me, if you ever need pregnancy, babyloss, rainbow chats.
Let me know your thoughts on this post.