Hey everyone, I’m back today with the 3rd of our Coffee Conversations! (If you missed out on any, why not give them a read too!). I want to talk about something I feel is quite important these days – friendships and how they can go sour. As someone that finds it hard to make new friends, I’ve learned a lot about good friendships and bad friendships and how to tell if someone is truly there for you or not. I also want to talk about why it feels great to eliminate bad friendships and focus on YOU (and your true friends!).
I sometimes feel incredibly awkward about writing blog posts about my relationships with people. I’ve had experiences of people telling me to ‘take down’ things I’ve written when I have always said that I will use my Blog as a place to write whatever I want. It definitely makes me slightly more nervous to tackle issues in my personal life but nonetheless I won’t let the stop me – I shall not be censored!!!
I’m not by any means suggesting that you should just cut all ties with all of your friends and become a hermit. I’m guessing a lot of people know the type of situation I am referring to already, you know, those nasty fallout’s where you realise that Becky was never your friend to begin with. Not your best friend of 10 years who wouldn’t hurt a fly!
I’m just trying to share bits and pieces of my past experiences with you and to let you know how it all worked out and to try and offer some advice where possible.
Here’s some pieces of advice I would give to anyone who’s unsure about a friend, or how they behave around you:
1. The Gut
Is your gut feeling telling you something isn’t right? Well, I use to think my gut instinct was a little too cautious. If you don’t feel 100% comfortable in the person’s company and you think your gut is trying to tell you something, maybe you need to look into it a little further. Or, as I like to say “leave it for a while and see how it goes!”
2. Anything you can do, I can do better
Have you ever done something you’ve been super proud of, like winning a competition or getting a date with a cute guy or maybe you started a blog or business?
If your friends response is nothing but pure happiness for you, you’ve got a gem there. But what if the response was “Oh I did that ages ago”? Who?…. Who made it a competition? Why is your friend trying so hard to compete instead of being super supportive? Some people are just naturally competitive and that’s okay too, but if it makes you uncomfortable and it’s every single time – you may need to have an open and honest chat about it. Remember, a friend will always try to understand your point of view and should work with you to make a compromise.
3. All for one, One for all!
Imagine all of your friends falling out with someone through no fault of their own, a one sided thing. Imagine them being tormented on social media with indirects and people getting their friends to send messages for them etc. Said ex friend ignores everyone in the group apart from one person. That person is left in a horrible position I understand that completely, and absolutely has the right to maintain a friendship.
However, there are a lot more factors involved sometimes and to be a bit controversial (but it’s just my opinion!) I am just going to say this: Using the excuse ‘They haven’t done anything to me so…’ doesn’t always work. When you’re friends with someone years and someone you know disrespects those friends, they basically disrespected you too, am I wrong? And to add to the mix if you’re keeping it a secret then it’s totally weird. If it was two sided argument, I am all for not picking sides and being friends with whoever, but when it’s someone being horrible because you’re not ‘cool’ enough for them anymore, it’s a totally different situation.
This definitely doesn’t apply to every case, but I do believe sometimes liaising with the ‘bad guy’ without even questioning it and making your friends feel like shit about it can definitely make them feel expendable.
If a friendship is making you unhappy:
Sometimes, friendships just come to a point where they need to end. Often times, it can be messy and sometimes it’s quite amicable. I definitely think people deserve to be surrounded by true friends and to pick the right friends for them. The best way to work at any friendship or relationship is to focus on you first. Do what makes you happy; Once you start to see a friendship end just think that it might not be such a bad thing. You will feel much better in knowing that the people around you are the ones that will always support you!
To all my friends reading this, thank you for being there!
What do you think about friendships going sour? Let me know in the comments!